We showed up

Just concluded the most challenging week outside a hospital.

We chose to show up. We were vulnerable in public. Still showed up. Scared. Shaking. Staving off tears with strangers in a closed room. Stayed there.

We didn’t want all that blood drawn and the pain from the shot. Still showed up and did it.

We didn’t want to see that man, and we helped him.

Therapist said sometimes just bearing witness is the most powerful action we can take.

Did that.

We don’t gender conform in subtle ways. Showed up anyway.

Was scared of getting too physically close to someone who’s safe. Did it anyway.

Suffering a lot. Clinging to past. Craving relief. Avoiding unsatisfying feelings. Striving to be past all this.

And also trying to FACE it:

  • Feel the tough feelings
  • Accept them
  • Compassionately respond
  • Expect effective options
  • Therapists tell us we’re strong. They are right. It takes effort to find effective ways.
  • Punisher tries to starve us for control. Thanks for trying to help, and we’re most effective when we’ve eaten.
  • AJ gets mad at society from which we’re isolated and outside. Is it your job to get mad at this? Let others be. Please put down what isn’t yours.
  • Agitation triggers “fix it now.” There is a way to end it, and that isn’t a fix, and isn’t very compassionate, and violence is not one of our values.
  • So slow down with the breath. See the world of sensations inside this body we inhabit. Say the phrases as we’d water a garden. Repeat as needed. The breath is always there if you let it.
  • There is no tomorrow. It’s made up! Now is the only arising to notice.
  • We can do hard things!
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