“To strip yourself of pretense is to overthrow a hard master, the fear of giving yourself away”
–Tobias Wolff Old School
No routine right now. Summer brings children and spouse co-occupying this house.
We are lucky to have spouse, to have children, to have a home, to have therapists invested in our healing.
We are trying to find a space alone. We need some alone-time just as we need hugs and love.
We can assert boundaries. Nicely. During the day.
Late afternoons, we lose sense of cohesion, lose traction, tangibility. Losing it now, for example.
Soon we’ll be alone. Meditation would be a wise practice. Too much energy? Rest then.
Don’t pretend all is well. You are struggling. Don’t pretend all is lost: this is not the end.
Give yourself away. Let it be known that you are complex. It’s not easy to describe. This fragmentation. This shame. This longing to be taken care of. Try to be the caregiver when alone.
Need us. Take care. Be grateful.
Give it all away. We are complex and hurting. And alive. And watering new seeds.