I have so much to say. Our inside people have so much to say. We’re trying to prepare to speak to each other. Right now, we’re experimenting with a new inside place. Many thanks to KenKen and Naomi and therapists for inspiration.
We have magic. We’re not spending much time exploring or developing it. We spend time trying to practice mindfulness, mediation, learning our body sensations and feelings and states of mind.
We’ve been reading _The Wise Heart _ for 6 months and are three-fourths into it. It is transformative. It just takes us a long time because it’s so busy inside our head that concentration and memory are challenges.
The blessing in that is we require repetition to remember. Well, what is practice, after all, if not repetition? So, ha!
We have seen pretty birds. We are SICK of driving anywhere. When Younger Child earns a driver’s license (hopefully within 6 months), we will be relieved of much carpool duty.
We have been doing great at practicing being a separate person who doesn’t have to experience our children’s every emotion. We’re also tamping our future worries sometimes.
This gets confusing to focus on not living their feelings and also practicing no-self and impermanence. And we have a crowded new room in our head filled with people–some of whom resent others in this room or deny their existence.
We are avoiding self-harming behaviors. We are eating enough calories to be able to go on a walk with Spouse on occasion.
Today, we get hours and hours of free time at home ALONE!! This is bliss for us. We notice we’re holding our breath and we remind ourselves to drink deeply the nourishing air. Autumn is coming early: open windows and birdsong.
We suddenly feel lonely. The kind that is internal. We will ask insiders to use compassion–a state we are trying to cultivate–to alleviate scary feelings.
Our outside dad had a recurrence of cancer, so that may be confusing us, too.
Life is complex. We want to make space for @and” because so many things are true at the same time.
You, who are reading this, thank you for witnessing our journey. Hugs.