Negative thoughts are setting us up for a negative outlook. If we think, “We didn’t do a good enough job,” then we feel like a failure.
We don’t want to replace the negative with a positive, though, which might sound counterintuitive. Positive would probably help our outlook more than negative. And what would help the most is to lighten up on JUDGING.
We seem to constantly be evaluating our actions and calibrating our future outlook based on dichotomies: good/bad, pleasure/pain, help/harm.
If we can assess less, we can get out of the loop. One therapist told us to challenge our negative beliefs with positive ones. Break the negativity loop and replace it with a positivity cycle.
Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.
Instead, try to be. Allow. Accept. Notice assessing and reframe to allow. We can still learn lessons: next time, let’s try Y instead of X. And don’t judge the judging. Accept. Be human.
Human beings are similar in many ways. In a shared society, even more so. We are different in that we are not an integrated personality. So changes are hard to implement and stick to. So many people inside to uphold their status quos.
We can try to cooperate, negotiate. Try. Not succeed/fail (a judgment). Practice skills. Get out of the judgment loops.