We had our initial intake for a new therapist today. This therapist’s specialty is Somatic Experiencing. Our goal in adding this fourth therapist to our lineup is to extend the mind-body connecting we started in the hospital last fall.
Since fall, we tried contacting five other therapists with some sort of specialty in movement, mind-body, or somatics before we scheduled with this T. Why did it take six therapists and more than three months to find someone?
Three were not taking new clients, one waited ten days to reply and then, after an intake, set a prerequisite of a full battery of psychological testing (that insurance said they would not cover due to irrelevance and that our PsyD said not to take because of adverse reactions in us when PsyD tried to administer one of the tests), and one never replied after our multiple attempts to contact.
We found this one on our own (the other five were recommended!).
That is a lot of content to say that finding a therapist can take a lot of energy in the first place, and when you do not possess a surfeit of energy, the cycle can seem self-defeating.
So how was the intake? Well, it is not over. New T said our intake will likely take 2-3 sessions at the rate of today’s session. This is not a judgment by T or us.
Question: If you have had two therapists and a teenage Child talk to you about your boundaries in the past month, what is not the best way for you to start a potential therapeutic relationship?
…By failing to disclose that you have DID on your intake forms.
Does it take having DID to not know you withheld that information?
What we tried to explain during the intake was that we are not (1) dangerous, (2) scary, (3) violent, (4) mean, or otherwise (5) risky to be around and that our prior experience (i.e. the potential T who ordered the full battery of psych tests and then insisted on them even though insurance wouldn’t pay and all the hospitals that exclude us because of our diagnosis) was that we are “guilty until proven innocent.”
We wanted a chance to make a first impression before being judged, which might itself be self-defeating? LOL
So far, T seems to be amenable.
Whew! That was risky/not advisable!
We still have 1-2 more intake sessions to go, and new T is so far theoretically willing to treat us since we are not seeking DID treatment; we are seeking Somatic Experiencing. We have 2 DID therapists already.
This new T was nice, friendly, pretty easy to talk to. We felt comfortable enough to go back next week for Intake Part II.
Having to explain ourselves anew and specifically how our DID manifests was interesting, disorienting, and set off all sorts of alarm bells within our system of me’s. It was like in _Frozen_ when Anna and Prince Hans of the Southern Isles sing:
“We finish each other’s…”
At one point in the session, we saw a flock of Mallards take off and land again, and Little wanted to start flapping our wings! It probably would have been fine to do so–just not during the first appointment. Ack! Good grief!
We had a regular T appointment today, too, beforehand, which was painful and real. We will choose to see this T less, as soon as possibly next week (from twice per week to once) mostly because of money. Our government-provided disability healthcare does not cover the most widely held therapy license in this neck of the woods.
It sucks having to put a price tag on health, and we get it. We do not appreciate having to choose: fix the car, keep a roof over Younger Child, help pay for Older Child’s college, or try to heal us (no guarantee included!). T and we both seemed to acknowledge that even once per week is not going to last much longer. We think the process of saying goodbye started today. That is why it was painful and real.
The journey with her has been the most painful, the rawest. T often described the early years of our work as though we, the patient, had no skin. Everything was that tender. We cannot yet reflect on what it is now. Not ready to say goodbye.
We have not yet told the other Ts about the potential new T. We could start tomorrow. (Sheepish, boundary-cognizant, toothy grin emoji).
Thanks for reading about this time eventful therapy day. Love to all!