We keep writing and deleting drafts.
Family gave us space for about 45 minutes last night. Littles came out❤️. They colored. Then we did Shaking and Dancing. Then we meditated on our family.
When they came home, we crashed back to this new, high baseline of hypervigilance. Felt awful. Feel awful
So is experiencing anything pleasant worth it if the crash is so awful?
Why bother trying to sort that out?
We tried to do a helpful deed for someone in need. Not sure if it will help or matter. Glad we tried
Watching Younger Child struggle is painful. Being alive right now is excruciating. It’s the tight spaces, feeling their feelings. Being triggered
We stopped a lot of therapy because we cannot focus on healing trauma with such hypervigilance. We are focused on not suffering. We would do better being alone for hours daily. That isn’t possible. We have to get inventive
You know who’s good at being incentive? Littles. Problem is that they are not skilled at parenting, driving, cooking.
We need teamwork. Since last night, we are switching a lot. It is draining and makes everything new. We will try to accept. We don’t have the skills to improve everything. How do we do anything when things keep “refreshing”?
Maybe just meditate. Read. Cry. Find space