Another try at blogging

We keep writing and deleting drafts.

Family gave us space for about 45 minutes last night. Littles came out❤️. They colored. Then we did Shaking and Dancing. Then we meditated on our family.

When they came home, we crashed back to this new, high baseline of hypervigilance. Felt awful. Feel awful

So is experiencing anything pleasant worth it if the crash is so awful?

Why bother trying to sort that out?

We tried to do a helpful deed for someone in need. Not sure if it will help or matter. Glad we tried

Watching Younger Child struggle is painful. Being alive right now is excruciating. It’s the tight spaces, feeling their feelings. Being triggered

We stopped a lot of therapy because we cannot focus on healing trauma with such hypervigilance. We are focused on not suffering. We would do better being alone for hours daily. That isn’t possible. We have to get inventive

You know who’s good at being incentive? Littles. Problem is that they are not skilled at parenting, driving, cooking.

We need teamwork. Since last night, we are switching a lot. It is draining and makes everything new. We will try to accept. We don’t have the skills to improve everything. How do we do anything when things keep “refreshing”?

Maybe just meditate. Read. Cry. Find space

7 thoughts on “Another try at blogging

  1. Why not use therapy to help calm the hypervigilance? Not for trauma work when it can’t be used for that. Also, if therapy is used as the space of safety then maybe the crash won’t be as much and will help the rest of the time be calmer coz during therapy can crash or relax…
    I’m glad you got some time even if only a bit…
    Sending virtual hugs…

    Liked by 3 people

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