The therapists are gone

Are there any therapists out there who aren’t too scared to help heal the long suffering?

Are there any therapists who connect at the human needs level and are able to use love as a guide post instead of fear?

Is there a therapist out there who, when times get tough like now, won’t retreat from supporting vulnerable people who have told themselves neglect and revulsion are what they deserve?

How can we be strong enough to stay on this healing journey when our healers are all withering under the weight of fear?

How can we learn to respect boundaries when those boundaries appear to change with external circumstances?

If we return to our core beliefs and core values in a time of crisis, we will see what we truly believe

We believe we are a worthless, infectious, contagious, disgusting parasite whose body is for others to use for their gratification and needs, whose value is so low that ignoring them is the natural reaction to our repeated expression of our needs.

What we want to believe is that everyone is essentially the same: trying to get their needs met, which automatically validates everyone’s intentions. The deeds that hurt selves and others are tragic attempts to get our needs met. And we can all learn to see what is alive in us and what is alive in others. We can all learn to enrich our lives and their lives because that is what humans most enjoy: making life lovely.

The gulf between what we believe and what we want to believe is now the same as the gulf between wakefulness and dreaming or delusion.

Without a guide, how do we proceed? With the critically important responsibility of breaking the cycle of neglect in our family of choice, how do we accomplish any goal?

We are a fractured being. We have nine different sets of needs and experiences alive in one body. How can we persist without support that actually feels like support? These therapeutic relationships in which we have invested so much are costing us way more forks than they are returning.

All the talk from therapists about boundaries and inherent value, etc., seem like promises made while people were drunk. Now with fear dominating the world, they are stone-cold sober and clinging to their own survival.

Frequently, maybe in the past three months or so, we can hear our heart beat—possibly the expansion/contraction of some blood vessel near our ears. It is the sound of mortality, and we will not shrink from that end of every story. Yet, while that heart contributes to flex, we want to suffer less and kindle the candle of love.


Where are the healers?

No one is coming to rescue us. That is not how it works.


Partnerships. Connection. Where are the witnesses? Where are those who shine the lights? Who walk the paths with you?

They will walk via Zoom, on a treadmill, and tell you this is sufficient for you. This is all they are willing to do. Can’t that be enough for us?

It cannot. The talking box was our substitute parent. The talking box is encrypted with fear. The talking box turns off when the programming ends. It goes to static. To white noise. To voices imagined or a portal to other realms or to delusion.

We practiced healing for a world of therapists who were physically with us. They told us of a world of Hope where Love leads our actions. And then they hid from us because we are disgusting and they are afraid.

We do not enjoy living these words we have written. Every morning we wake up and these conversations assault our consciousness. Over and over. Every day.

No one is coming to rescue us. We have to figure it out for ourselves, with all our voices, for all our me’s, while being parent and spouse.

We just have to try.

How can they not understand this? How can it no longer matter?

18 thoughts on “The therapists are gone

    1. We appreciate hopes and prayers. We love hugs. Thank you 🐬🦆💕💙 We wonder if we will let anyone help us the best they can. We have all these rules. So much OCD and other anxiety and memories of harm to us. And guilt for being imperfect as a parent. And what we need is a big fucking dose if acceptance: for who we are, how we still try to love, wanting to heal, doing our best. Argh

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There are some people who can do it all. The compassionate, caring, who will just handle what is thrown to them…
        Sending more hugs…
        You can only do your part. Either way you are worth it.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. I certainly can’t speak to your situation, but I can tell you what I would be considering if I was conducting therapy right now. It may be useless and irrelevant; I’m simply offering in case it contains something that might help with reframing.

    First, I would consider local public health orders that would apply, and that might impose restrictions or requirements to operate on a day to day basis. I would then consider what would keep my clients safe as well as myself and my family, given there is a pandemic and people can be contagious without symptomatic. I could be that person who was contagious without being symptomatic, or it could be any of my clients. If I’m seeing 6 or 7 clients a day, and I’ve picked up the virus from a client or elsewhere, that could have the potential for a significant chain transmission. If I made exceptions to infection control measures to one client who’s suffering, that becomes a slippery slope where the exception becomes the rule because all clients are suffering. Professionally, I would not be prepared to take that risk. Not out of fear, but because it would be irresponsible of me to jeopardize the health of myself, my clients, and my family by not taking appropriate infection control measures.

    Again, that may be entirely useless and irrelevant, and it only speaks to my situation, not yours.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It is helpful to roll play. It is helpful to hear what might be alive in someone when they make decisions. Thank you for that gift. We don’t want to contribute to other’s illnesses or anxiety.

    In this situation, we have asked Ts to (1) meet in our separate cars parked where we can see each other. (2) Set recurring weekly appointments because the anxiety of not having an appointment scheduled is resulting in our being reminded of neglect we experienced. We are interpreting the flux as instability. We are not finding flexibility. We are finding abandonment. If we were more skilled, this issue could be coped with.

    (1) T-3 is the one who committed to meeting this needs weekly. We cry out of gratitude. T-3 likes the windows partially open but cars spaced 6+ feet away. We agreed to all conditions. T-2 likes windows closed and talking on the phone to each other. T-2 wants appointments in early morning so we don’t get to got. We accepted all conditions.

    T-1 just didn’t like it at all. So we said goodbye for now to T-1 with love and thanks.

    (2) is not happening. We are ruminating, catastrophizing, etc. This unknown is our obsession. If it wasn’t, we would replace it with another obsession in all likelihood. So it’s probably a zero sum game? Maybe we are making hoops that are impossible for others to jump through. Maybe we guarantee our worst outcomes because we think we are dirt.

    Thank you for caring

    Liked by 3 people

  3. You are absolutely not dirt. Not a single part of you is. T’s, unlike nurses, aren’t trained in infection control, so they’re probably flailing as they figure out where to set boundaries for a safe work environment. I wish they were more flexible and willing to search for creative solutions. But regardless of the professional boundaries they set to deal with this unprecedented time, you are special, you are valuable, and you are worthy. You are also very loved. ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

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