Rewiring a brain: 16.5

We see some of our thought patterns, we think.

We think that the content may change and the thought patterns persist. In other words, we could complain about missing T-1, that Ts in general are harder to get help from, that a Child or Spouse is or is not doing X or Y.

It is all just content that we are running through the same sausage grinder in our head. We make the same shit out of different circumstances.

Is this what they mean by how the brain is “wired”? Rewiring it is not easy from our experience. T-1 would say that is a clue that something magical lies therein.

In some cases, the content of our thoughts and experiences probably does matter. After all, that is the “living” part of “being alive,” isn’t it?

It is our thought process that seems to render it all the same. Here is the visual (textually):

content content content content content content content content content content

\ /

\ /

thought patterns: thought distortions, OCD, competing voices (DID), judgments, anxiety, emotions, senses producing data or not, intellectual thoughts, memories

\ /

core beliefs

So we run the content of our lives through similar thought patterns that are supported by our core beliefs about ourself and our world. The process seems like a test in which we always get the answer 16.5 no matter what the question is.

Younger Child is sad. What do we do? 16.5

T-3 has not contacted us in a week. What does this mean? 16.5

We need to cook dinner. What should we make? 16.5

Maybe we can stop asking the questions. That is encouraging judgment, anxiety, sausage, math. We are mixing our metaphors, which seems appropriate for making sausage. It makes sense to want to make sense of life’s experiences. But our formative experiences included trauma, which is the shape in which all our sausage is formed.

If we could learn to accept content, would that be our new thought pattern? Do we need to alter our core beliefs first, since they supposedly inform our thought patterns? Or would altering our thought patterns influence our core beliefs? Or both?

The thought patterns are feeling toxic enough right now to be a rather consistent 8/10 with flares to 9. We are so reliant upon external factors to dial this down that we know we need changes. These thought habits are very persistent.

We will accept that. That is why they are patterns. That is how our brain trained to fire. We will just keep trying to retrain us to accept, accept, accept.

Do you have ideas about how this brain stuff works?