Using love to end racism

Our family continues daily to discuss white racism against People of Color, the role of anti-racism, white privilege, and white fragility.

We try to include nonviolence in the discussions with family. We try not to judge people. Instead, we extend empathy when possible. It helps us in our desire to improve life if we lead with love.

Anger can help us recognize how much we want change, and it lets us know we have disconnected from the love that is our change agent.

We have many negative self-judgments and delusions during each day that sour our mood. These are related to our trauma and adapting to new ways of finding support and being supported during COVID. This post has taken days to write. We will try to accept how hard is this journey from self-blame and-loathing to self-love.

Threats, guilt, shame—these tools will not help us achieve lasting change in us or in the world. Understanding, acceptance, love—these are the steps we see toward lasting change.

Many people are using their time right now to educate themselves about racism.

Many people are using their power to help prove that Black Lives Matter. We all have some economic power because we spend money and we might have elected officials we can write to to ask for police who work with us and aren’t militarized against People of Color.

App stores already have apps to find Black-owned businesses we can support today.

If we know of people who have tuned out to racism, it may be a denial (as in white privilege) of the revolution. At the same time, can you see how natural it is over human history for people in power to want to retain that power and not share it?

Instead of shaming and blaming, we could try to understand how easy it is for those privileged to turn away, retreat to summer homes and distance themselves from social change.

We are not excusing racism; we are building empathy so that we have no enemy images to keep us from inviting those who deny racism to participate in the process of liberation.

Not everyone will agree with us. We can try to understand them and see if we can meet their needs while meeting ours.

As Jesse Jackson said, “Leadership has a harder job to do than just choose sides. It must bring sides together.”

Having conversations in which we do not judge others is hard! It takes practice. We may feel defensive, threatened. If we can take our time and remember everyone is s human with needs—just as we are—we can avoid enemy images and stay with love.

Is there a resource you can share for learning about racism or taking anti-racist actions? Here is one that was given to us: self-education.

13 thoughts on “Using love to end racism

  1. What I’ve been noticing is that some people seem to have a hard time recognizing that things that don’t directly affect them still exist. Listening to the stories and history of oppressed people is so important in changing that.

    I like watching The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, and he’s offered some interesting insights and brought on some great guests who are working on promoting change. Last week I watched the documentary 13th, and it does a good job of exploring the systemic nature of anti-Black racism.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Ostrich syndrome (bury your head). It’s easy for some. We would ask them to walk beside People of Color in the way you suggest—read about it. Trevor Noah’s autobiography was recommended to us by T-3 last year. We read some of it. He uses humor, obviously, to address his racist upbringing in South Africa.

      When we read that you are listening to topics that challenge the status quo, we are filled with hope because it meets our need for people, especially children, to be treated safely. Your posting about it is key to other people’s willingness to engage. (By the way, this is the kind of needs-focused, specific praise NVC proposes—as opposed to just, “Ashley, you’re great!”
      Being specific lets you know what you did that enriched Jon’s life).

      We will look into 13th. Thanks!!!

      Liked by 4 people

    1. Yay that we were helpful to you, which meets our need to share resources. Thanks for the link. We read it. This resonates: “Above all, I urge you keep trying. You’re going to make mistakes; expect this. But keep showing up. Be compassionate. Lead with empathy, always. Keep learning and growing. If you do this, I truly believe you’ll be doing the work of an ally.” This allows us to feel like an ally, which meets our need to be inclusive. Thanks

      Liked by 1 person

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