What now ?

Tried another new therapist. Stopped after two sessions. Not a suitable fit. We received an ultimatum in the second appointment, and that did not meet our needs for Autonomy and safety.

Going to try to drive the 37 minutes each way to see T-3 this week in addition to seeing T-2. Back to the basics. Back to therapy in cars.

Saw psychiatrist today. Older Child took us birdwatching and then drove us to the appointment. Psychiatrist doubled both of our meds today. We have some trepidation of potential short-term side effects and little hope in the long term. So why try? Why not? Trying is its own proof of hope.

T-2 is trying to find us a sensorimotor therapist. One option is at the psychiatrist’s practice. Psychiatrist said he will contact this potential referral on our behalf. We would only see the therapist in person. Our state requires masks. We don’t like masks. Oh well.

Older Child is still undecided about returning to college. Leaning towards going in order to practice living away from home. Older Child’s chosen roommate decided not to attend, but another friend also had the same situation, so they might room together. An increase in COVID cases would impact the decision to attend in-person.

We are dissociating a lot. Consequently, we have hurt our body a lot by accident. Shoulder injury at present, and today we hit our head fairly hard and got a cut/bruise. Younger Child says the universe wants us to remember we have a human body.

Makes sense.

Thanks to our friend suninthespring over at Something Over Nothing, we tried the new New Yorker crossword puzzle and enjoyed it. But we’re not ready to commit money to online puzzles yet.

We have been benzo-free for the last week or two. Sleep has improved. Anxiety is through the roof (hence the doubling of the meds). We will let you know how the medication changes go.

16 thoughts on “What now ?

  1. Thinking of you…
    Trying is definitely hope.
    Maybe there are free online puzzles too?
    I’m loving that you’re getting to be out in nature again..
    Sending hugs, crows, and sunshine…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t like ultimatums either 😦 They make me feel really unsafe.

    I’m glad you got to go birdwatching! 🙂

    I’m sorry you’ve been getting injured 😦 that sounds painful.

    I’m glad you liked the crossword puzzle! I was thinking, is there a way for you to keep doing the crossword puzzles you already have, but while being mindful of anything racist/sexist/etc? Like maybe if you come across a clue or answer that’s prejudiced or mean, you could acknowledge it and say “this isn’t right” or cross it out or something? I guess I’m wondering, is there a way to meet your need to be inclusive / need to be an ally / need for justice (I’m not sure what need it is) while still doing the crossword puzzles you have, since that’s a resource/tool you already have?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This is a very meaningful suggestion for us. Thank you. Possibly we could keep doing them and notice, like an anthropologist, how wet feel as we solve. Maybe we would do that as an augmentation to finding and supporting the newer puzzles that are more diverse and inclusive in perspective.

      These decisions are very much tied to our evolving sense of identity. We are more than one gender and that creates conflicts and inconsistencies of experience—among so many other factors that create similar disruptions to experience, like being many versions of us throughout time.

      Thanks for caring!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. ❤ I like the idea of being like an anthropologist! My former therapist used to say to be like a news reporter, which sounds like a similar idea.

        That makes sense that multiple genders and disruptions in time would make conflicts in your identity. That sounds confusing and stressful and disruptive for sure 😦

        I see that you haven't posted recently, I hope you're doing alright. I believe in you and your ability to keep trying. Thinking of you ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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