Is “try harder” possible?
We are feeling trapped. OCD might play av party because we like rules. Breaking rules—or seeing with fresh eyes—helps get new ideas.
Energetically, we cannot seem to keep boundaries. We feel other’s feelings. We aren’t sure how not to. That is why we like being alone. To recharge. Practice. Be free.
Due to COVID, we are not alone. With family almost all the time. T-2 challenged us today to ask for the other two members of otter house to give us regular, dependable alone time. T-2 recognizes we needed this time alone. Need, not want.
Safe time in our home
We are afraid to ask for it. We have asked so many times since COVID began. It is not a priority to those we live with.
Self-advocacy is hard. Especially when we are not getting what we need. Leaving the house to be alone is not the same. Not relaxing. Yes, we could go be in nature, but getting there leads to dissociation. Anna being there is not yet safe; being alone at home early in the day feels freeing. Or it used to.
Maybe it won’t any more. That’s too scary to think about.
We are a spouse and parent. We are struggling to be us. And care for us.
We are looking for new ideas. Therapy is not supporting us enough. Getting new therapists takes so much energy. And we’ve changed so much that psychology may not be the discipline that can help us. Maybe a therapist open to new ways—our ways: no right/wrong and good/bad dualities; nonviolent stance—needs-based focus; nonjudgment; valuing all creatures.
These are our ideals. We want help living these values.
Where do we turn?