Early Winter

All people do their best. Since we are people, we will hurt other people, succumb to base urges, like greed, and experience pain.

Rolling with life is a challenge for us. The pain we are experiencing is acute, and we have so many voices in our head! Crying Littles. Judgments. Advice for how to act. So many feelings and regrets and time confusion.

We keep trying to get new therapists, hospitals. We keep hearing NO.

Are you meeting in person?

NO

Are you taking new clients?

NO

We have thought about self-immolation to get health care’s attention for other people who must also be suffering.

We had a dangerous driving experience on the highway. We got aggressive and narrowly avoided a high-speed crash. We told Spouse, who took away our driving privileges temporarily. We know nurturing us was the intent, and it did not meet our needs for Autonomy and choice and respect.

We said so.

We are driving again. Trying to be safer. It snowed a lot, so the roads got dangerous. We seemed to be safer. It’s dangerous when Littles drive. It is also scary to act unilaterally—like take away our keys, like ending our therapeutic relationship. T-1 told Littles they care for T-1 inappropriately.

That is causing pain.

Younger Child is suffering. We would prefer Younger Child went in-patient for more intensive care. Get better faster. Less conflict with us.

We do not feel skillful. We get criticized a lot. By other me’s mostly. Blamed for things. We’d rather not be here. So maybe we will have to go in-patient. Few options left.

18 thoughts on “Early Winter

        1. That does sound unnerving. There are more than 3 million people in our metro area, so lots of traffic noise, helicopters, airplanes, sirens, fireworks, etc. Is it quieter where you are? Or is there a hunting season with gunshots?

          Liked by 2 people

      1. Hugs hugs. That failing is on T1, not any of yous especially the Littles. Hugs. Any therapist working with CPTSD/DID needs to be a reliable secure base, not someone who is unreliable. This kind of work isn’t “convenient”, you all deserve better and I am sending all the hugs.

        Liked by 1 person

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