Goal setting

We started _Peaceful Living _, a Nonviolent Communication daily meditation book (author Mary Mackenzie).

January 1 is goal setting, with the parameters of being (1) specific and (2) positively worded (what you want, not what you don’t want).

We also revisited important unmet needs of ours so that our goals are aligned with meeting important needs we have.

Unmet Needs

Our most important unmet need is for Compassion. Our next most important unmet need is for Equanimity, which we define as composure, calmness, even under pressure.

Goals to support our unmet needs

1. Act more compassionately to ourselves by giving us empathy as able

We are more than halfway through the Compassion Course. It consists of weekly readings and reflections. We try to keep up with it and practice Compassion.

2. Act more compassionately to our family by giving them empathy as able

Imagine a person we are angry at or feel threatened by as a Little, with needs. That can break enemy images and allow us to focus on needs.

3. Be more intentional by TAKING OUR TIME.

Pause. Tell others and self, “We need some time to collect our thoughts, connect to ours and your needs.” Nothing is actually a rush in our life. The urgency is panic- or stress-related, with a history in trauma.

There are literally thousands of ways to try to meet our needs, so we do not have to limit ourself to a particular strategy or set of strategies. Any practice that is not harmful that results in more Compassion and Equanimity is useful.

Other needs

Our need for Space is tremendous. Since we cannot force family members to leave the house and give us time alone (we have asked for months and will give up this particular strategy), we must choose another course.

We could leave the house more often, such as going for hikes in nature or driving somewhere. Or we could work on feeling space even amidst other people. These are two strategies we must explore if we need more space

Our need for therapeutic Support is very high. New T is so fast meeting this need! Sent us postcards while on vacation (they helped us center and feel supported), and emailed us—even replying to our reply! We feel this therapeutic relationship has Hope. T-2 continues to also be a weekly rock for us.

Our need to Mourn the loss of T-1 continues. Parental attachment concerns are tied in heavily. We can make space to allow this mourning. Not hide it or feel shameful. We think of T-1 daily and many times within most days. We would be compassionate to not judge us harshly for missing our prior rock.

Any goals you’re setting for 2021?

9 thoughts on “Goal setting

  1. I think your ongoing need to mourn T-1 is a testament to the valuable therapeutic work you did. There’s no need to mourn people who haven’t touched profoundly.

    It’s good to hear that you’re working on finding ways to get more of your needs met. I hope the Compassion Course will continue to help with that. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  2. “There are literally thousands of ways to try to meet our needs, so we do not have to limit ourself to a particular strategy or set of strategies” — I like this! I’ll have to keep this in mind. Sometimes I get too stuck trying to do one thing that isn’t working.

    The new T sounds great!! 🙂 Exciting!

    It makes sense that you’re still mourning T-1. I know she was/is very important to you all. I still think of a therapist I had a couple years ago every day.

    Feeling space while among people is an interesting strategy! How do you do that? Going out in nature sounds nice too. Maybe you’ll see some birds! You could send Older Child pictures if you take any?

    I might set some goals later. I don’t feel like I need new goals right now; I feel like I have good plans and systems set up for the moment. My therapist did suggest that I could be more compassionate towards myself as my new year’s resolution!

    Sending you lots of compassion ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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