If we do not attempt to meet our needs, who will? If we wait to be rescued, we are putting our agency on hold, staking our life’s fulfillment on others. If they are well-adjusted, they know they cannot be responsible for our existence or even our contentment. Thus, we will wait in anger.
We can enjoy life more when we are in connection with others. They can contribute to our enjoyment, but we think we have to be self-connected first. Otherwise resentment and fear consume us. Waiting for others to fix us or lift us up.
And we are consumed.
T-2 says a goal for this week is to take time for us to rebalance. When we wake up and when we are stressed or have too many voices in our head. Take time to gather ourself: catch our breath, be imperfect; that is, be human.
We forget to do this. We revel in being the victim, being busy, in avoiding our inner-experience. We can then blame everyone. But this is a game, a habit. And feelings will be felt. Either feel them in context and let them pass or we will feel them later and be confused and potentially overwhelmed.
We will attempt to be responsible for ourself this week. We are a parent and so we are responsible for some things in our offspring. But we can’t feel for them or live their lives. We can explore healthy boundaries.
This past week has taught us that being there is sometimes the most we can do, and it is enough. Even when we are biting hard on our tongue. Just be there.
Do the same for ourself. Be there. Breathe. What happened (observation)? What are we feeling? What do we need? Is there a needs-based request we can make of ourself or others to meet our needs, something reasonable? That is the basic NVC process. We could use some practice.