Advice for challenging times, like the death of a loved one

This morning, one of our therapists emailed to support us. New T advised us to endure this experience with patience, to show up, and to fall back on our values

This may be among the most useful advice we ever received. Spouse kept reminding us of it during the funeral today, and it did help us focus.

Showing up is so underrated

Patience is so critical to effectiveness

Values are the bedrock for our decisions. They helped us navigate the final conversation with mom as she was dying and wanted to clear as much of the air as we could—on the spot. We had little time to think, so we spoke from our values, and we do not regret that

We hope this advice might be helpful for others, too

Mom’s casket got lowered into the ground but Dad said the real her is not in there. That helped, too. But the burial must be a ritual to emphasize to the living that Mom is not with us in the same form anymore

The Rabbi said that love is what is left when the body is not. That also feels comforting.

We think we have love in us. It has been complicated by traumatic events. Still, if love can survive death, then it may be very powerful

The love from friends who showed up when they didn’t have to is sustaining as well. Seeing a few safe, familiar faces among the masks soothes us. Showing up is so powerful

Some friends were very attentive and said they loved us and let us cry. This is a gift better than items

3 thoughts on “Advice for challenging times, like the death of a loved one

  1. That is great advice. I’m glad you were able to speak from your values. I’ve been trying to connect to my values lately, too. It makes me feel better and more sure of myself.

    “But the burial must be a ritual to emphasize to the living that Mom is not with us in the same form anymore. The Rabbi said that love is what is left when the body is not.”

    –> I found both of these things comforting, too. Thanks for sharing. It’s good to have a ritual to acknowledge that people have passed from living to dying. It makes it more real and makes it make some sense. I have found funerals very helpful and cathartic.

    More hugs ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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