We are in the quiet room at therapy. We forgot our pen in T’s office so we’re writing this way instead
We have lots of confusion! Experience doesn’t make sense to us. The minutes aren’t stitched together as “one thing.” To us they aren’t an hour, a meal, a morning. We are just surviving a ride
Many people outside us are showing us strong emotions. That panics us. We feel danger. But then they shut down fast. And we’re left holding the newborn emotion they just birthed but they left it. It will be neglected if they don’t tend to it. So do we tend to it? How?
If it were a baby, we’d give it back. But if they can’t care for it, who can?
Therapists help us care for emotions we can’t handle. But these people birthing strong emotions aren’t in therapy and most are not open to it.
They birth these strong emotions and then run away—into distraction of phones, media, rationality, other emotions (more pleasant ones).
These emotions want to be felt so they will come back when these people aren’t expecting it. The feelings may be out of context, harder to deal with, more intense.
We feel like those neglected emotions. We wanted support but parents wanted to meet their own needs and so neglected ours.
We have our own emotions, which we also want to flee from. But therapy helps us sit with them sometimes, talk about them.
We don’t talk with other people outside therapy about not understanding our life because they might be scared of us and they wouldn’t know what to say and they do not share our experience.
We don’t meet our need to belong when we are silent. But what can we do? Alienate people more by saying we’re confused and don’t know our own actions and experience? say that we find consumer- and media-and productivity-driven lifestyles unfulfilling for us?
It’s hard to live without understanding consequences of some of our actions. We know some: if we take substances, we could get addicted. We know if we don’t eat, we get sick. But it’s harder to make wise choices when we’re in emotionally scary situations like hearing about other’s depression, other’s panic, other’s criticism of us, other’s fears.
These we panic over and make desperate choices sometimes. And we don’t always remember or understand our choices, actions, consequences.
How do we improve with this? Practice? That sounds very painful and challenging. But if we want to be more resourceful, we have to beg ourselves to 1) take our time! We always feel rushed to get out of stressful situations. Often we want to fix them—ASAP! We want to learn that we can ride the wave and not die. Not sure we can learn this.
2) we also want to allow our feelings. “We feel really overwhelmed and we’d still like to help you. We just need a little time because we’re so sad that you’re feeling depressed. That sounds so hard.” This would be hard to say.
We want to feel belonging, connection, competence, self-acceptance.
We have been trying for YEARS! This is really hard. We will keep trying because we do want to be in relationship with some of these people. Some we feel obligated to support because they don’t have many other people. And we’re still under their spell. It would be hard to say no.
Everything is temporary. Life is temporary. Maybe we can try to face some fears to experience less suffering in the long run