Updates on life

Dietician

We have met with Dr. L three times. Doctor is gentle and friendly. We have been tracking our Hunter using a rating scale. It has been a challenge to check in with our body so often and we don’t always have a hunger rating. Lack of tagging means low hunger (1-2/10).

We have been trying to check in less frequently. This is less stressful. Will it be helpful? We shall see. Nothing is really settled. It’s about noticing and trying to eat the Harvard plate: 50% fruits/veggies, 25% protein and 25% carbs. To get more calories, we’re adding healthy fats, too: avocado, olives, coconut, etc.

Therapy

We saw two new therapists as replacements when New T had Covid. They were nice. It’s not very helpful in the healing context to see someone new one or two sessions. It helps keep us supported.

With T back, and are trying to let all of us be seen and heard. It’s one of the only places we can be mostly us, which is people talking, switching in and out, etc. Shit that might freak Spouse out.

We added a new T so that we are seeing 3 now, plus dietician. The newest T knows Nonviolent Communication! This is a holy shit occurrence. We never met anyone who knows NVC, let alone a therapist who will take us as a client!!!!

Cannot wait to start practicing NVC in-person and exploring NVC therapeutically.

Life

We have started to get Space—time alone in our house—for the first time in two years!!!! Spouse leaves the house for work a few times per week and also visits parents some weekends days.

We are trying to use the space in ways that used to help us: do art, learn to breathe again, learn metta again, stretch, nap, shake/dsnce, expand into the space. New thing were do when alone: talk out loud to each other. This allows us to interact one at a time, unlike in our head. It’s like journaling but out loud. It’s still new. In therapy sessions, we whisper to one another, but alone we can be as loud as people want.

Spring breaks are upon us, which means kids come home from college but not at the same time. This will fill the house with different energy. And we may not be alone with space for a few weeks. We want to be flexible, not have expectations. We want to feed these kids, give them loving touch (hugs, massages), and let them do whatever the hell they want basically.

Then only five weeks after the second child returns to school, the first one will come home for summer! This will mean driving across the country to retrieve Younger Child and some of their possessions.

Both kids will need close to full time summer jobs to save up for next school year. Tuition ain’t free, and their modest college funds will likely run out next year. We can’t attach to this because we can’t control it.

Skills

As often, we want to:

  • Allow feelings and sensations (don’t resist, cling, crave)) to come and go
  • Take our time because there isn’t usually a rush
  • Connect feelings to needs and try to meet our unmet needs while valuing everyone’s needs equally
  • Establish communication inside us
  • Avoid binary thinking in favor of complexity, both/and, what is probably real (check the facts)
  • Dwell as much as possible in Now because it’s safer than past and future
  • Listen with empathy without trying to solve unless we’re asked for solutions

9 thoughts on “Updates on life

  1. I’ve been trying to eat more calories, too! I hope it goes well for you.

    Yay for Nonviolent Communication Therapist!!!! That’s so exciting! 🙂

    I’m glad you’re getting some space! I imaging that’s a relief.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nvc therapy is efficient because we don’t have to translate things into feelings and needs. That said, new T whom we have been seeing for 1.5 years now has learned enough from us to be effective at feelings and needs, too. 💕❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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