Facing fears, allowing pain

We are in the quiet room at therapy. We forgot our pen in T’s office so we’re writing this way instead We have lots of confusion! Experience doesn’t make sense to us. The minutes aren’t stitched together as “one thing.” To us they aren’t an hour, a meal, a morning. We are just surviving a … Continue reading Facing fears, allowing pain

We don’t have to love ourself?

When we went in-patient for the first time almost five years ago, we wanted goals. Context (short version): We were drowning in shame from childhood trauma memories. Being productive while away from home for five weeks seemed important. Maybe from authors we read and therapists we had, we got the idea that we must love … Continue reading We don’t have to love ourself?

Practicing skills when “calm”

Coping with big emotions is a challenge. For us, big emotions feel urgent and overwhelming. When we struggle to catch our breath, many of our traumas are triggered. Breath is so underrated. A deep inhale followed by a big sigh or prolonged exhale can feel so restorative. In fact, catching our breath is the goal … Continue reading Practicing skills when “calm”

Updates on life events

Spouse rode along with us to get our second vaccine dose. We recognize that the privileges of technology access, mobility, and family support allowed us to schedule this appointment and drive an hour to a rural pharmacy. Spouse has been reporting vaccine openings on a Facebook group in order to maximize people’s access to information. … Continue reading Updates on life events

Responsibility as a goal

If we do not attempt to meet our needs, who will? If we wait to be rescued, we are putting our agency on hold, staking our life’s fulfillment on others. If they are well-adjusted, they know they cannot be responsible for our existence or even our contentment. Thus, we will wait in anger. We can … Continue reading Responsibility as a goal

What to expect from COVID-19 rapid test at CVS

(We/us pronouns) We had a Covid-19 rapid test today at CVS Pharmacy. We signed up for it online, which included insurance information and a photo of the insurance card (both sides). We got a same-day appointment (on a Sunday) very close to our home. Rapid test gives results in 15 minutes! The other test via … Continue reading What to expect from COVID-19 rapid test at CVS

In Now we must trust

(We use plural pronouns) We are working with New T on sitting with powerful emotions. Feeling hopeless and despair is uncomfortable. We normally dissociate instead of ride it out. New T had us use bilateral stimulation to activate both sides of brain. Having T with us allowed us to just be in pain for a … Continue reading In Now we must trust

Scarcity obsessions and associated compulsions (OCD)

We are trying to name and notice some of our obsessions and associated rituals. We might try ERP (exposure/response prevention) on our own to free us from some shackles. Here are some: Cleaning The bath towels fit in two piles (side-by-side) in the drawer. We arrange them so that no similar colors come up side … Continue reading Scarcity obsessions and associated compulsions (OCD)