So much of our thinking is flavored by these plotlines. Our mind does not appreciate uncertainty, and so these familiar stories help us write the rest of an unfolding or prolonged situation to its bitter conclusion.
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Category: self-improvement
Practice, patience, and repetition
3-day weekends are hard for us. Lots of time around other people. We and our children are much less effective at night: decision-making poorer, emotional brain overwhelms rational brain. Consequently, at night, little problems seem bigger. For us, that often leads to nightmares, and then we wake up disoriented. We finally have some alone time, … Continue reading Practice, patience, and repetition
Plant seeds
A poem about always investing in yourself
The only True You
We all have magic. The way to find yours is to spend time noticing. Avoidance of self and inner-experience is a barrier to being. Running to the next distraction. Running from the crying child inside your mind. This culture has all the augmented reality and not-you experiences needed to live a life that is devoid … Continue reading The only True You
Self-insight hacks (off-label)
Have you ever heard of "off-label" use? We don't do this with medication. We do this with books. Let me explain.
“Yetting” your 3 forms of happiness (that is not a typo!)
The field of Positive Psychology says people pursue happiness in 3 different ways
When self-compassion is the key to helping others
I was getting annoyed that family member was starting to re-ask the same questions and was getting stuck in "analysis paralysis." I tried to look inside myselves to see how I could survive this
Back to basics
I'm in a challenging spot. I'm low on energy and my therapist says I'm low on resources because I've pushed away the parts of me that know how to cope in new, healthy ways. So we're using old ways: OCD, anger and self-punishment. OCD sees the out-of-control world (our spouse is sick and we're stepping … Continue reading Back to basics
Miracle Monday
Every other Monday I set my phone to remind me of specific events in my life that I consider miracles. I'm not religious, and I'm very spiritual. Many of the miracles were signs delivered by nature, some by people, some by what could otherwise be considered unbelievable coincidence. Some saved my life. Some saved the … Continue reading Miracle Monday
You, reading this, I love you
You probably want to be free of suffering. I want to be free of suffering. Deep down, we're probably all compassionate beings.
Go big or go home? Or make little changes?
Small changes can add up. For example, say you want to have more money (ideally to pay down debt, save for retirement, or go on a vacation). If you switched to a cash-back credit card, brought home lunch and beverage to work/school every day or every other day, and made a few other tweaks, the … Continue reading Go big or go home? Or make little changes?
Antidote to shame: Building a self-compassion practice
Shame doesn't have to be permanent. There is a "cure":
Practice coping skills when you’re calm
One of the primary difficulties with incorporating new coping skills is that when you need them, you are in crisis, which often means you don't know that you need them or can't remember them! This is why it is important to practice coping skills when you're not in crisis. The barrier to practicing when you're … Continue reading Practice coping skills when you’re calm
Love and Feel
Feel your power!
The Kinds of Caring
There is no 'one kind' of caring. Spoiled by fiction we too often overlook the love right beside us and within ourselves.
Stop owing, start owning
Collage on construction paper mounted on poster board
Breaking social expectations that violate your values
Note: This blog's author often uses plural pronouns for self-reference. Most of what dictates how we are supposed to act (in public, at school, at work, etc.) is made up by people. We're not saying there is a committee actively making social norms for others to follow, though Ms. Manners and other champions of etiquette … Continue reading Breaking social expectations that violate your values
Admissions from a verbally abusive father
These are hard faults to admit. And they are true.
What are you doing? Why “Not pooping” is an insufficient response
When we were little and acted contrary to someone's expectations, we were usually chided with, "Don't ____." Don't hit. Don't swear. Don't drink grape juice in the living room. As adults, when we're trying to change a habit or practice, we often default to the same thinking: Don't judge. Don't yell. Don't eat that. We … Continue reading What are you doing? Why “Not pooping” is an insufficient response
The 1986 tornado: Richness in life experience and memory
As we aged, we transformed the rich experience of surviving the tornado into a static data point to prove our misfortune. Our therapist shows us how to add it back.
Right now, accept ourselves
It’s all going to be right now
How to not be a victim when you’ve been, well, a victim
Are you re-enacting the victim-perpetrator-rescuer triangle? If so, you are in good company (we do it). Here is why and how to stop.
When to stay the course, change, or give up
When we develop a dimmer switch, we increase our options for meeting our goals.
How “to do” lists can hurt us and how to fix them
Put these items on our "to do" list along with our tasks and we will be better organized, prioritized, and reminded to experience life in the now.
Signs from nature: are you paying attention?
Nature is teeming with messages for us if we tune in.
The meaning of life revealed
Which pursuit is worth our life’s energy? It’s not the one you think. Yes, this post will really reveal the meaning of life.
Our lives are not as unpredictable as we want to believe
When contrasted with the seasons, the events of our lives seem unpredictable. In reality, we probably exert some control over these seemingly less predictable circumstances.
You are not invincible, so protect yourself from financial devastation and shame
Our goals in this blog post are to encourage you to obtain disability insurance or supplement your existing coverage, to warn you of the pitfalls of the disability insurance system, and to convince ourselves and you that we are not our financial status or our diagnoses.
Consider this your next self-improvement or therapy goal
We can find and fix the living nightmare that is so life-draining it has become invisible to you.
You’re good at negativity because you practice so often
starting a new practice--to look for good in things or to approach situations with no expectations at all--takes conscious effort
Can you “Notice” without “Judging”?
When we judge, we label, reduce, and remove context. When we observe with specificity, we provide richness and still allow ourselves to express our values.
Do This One Thing After a Vacation
We sometimes feel lazy when we are not being productive in some way. We self-critique that we could be doing more: more journaling, more cleaning, more problem-solving. We felt especially out of rhythm after a recent family getaway. We hadn't been journaling regularly or trying to solve any of our myriad problems. How could we … Continue reading Do This One Thing After a Vacation
Now is Now
The past is remembering Now a prior Now. The future is a fantasy. Practice being Now.
Are You Intensifying Unpleasant Feelings with “The Layer”?
We keep reading in self-help books that "feelings are natural" and "judgments are dangerous." Wait, what's the difference between a feeling and a judgment? Can you have one without the other? We had to have it explained to us repeatedly, and we think we understand! If our boss says in front of coworkers, "I received … Continue reading Are You Intensifying Unpleasant Feelings with “The Layer”?
What are you waiting for? Just start
We can’t have a week of success at a new task without one day of success. Here’s how to start...
