Experiencing Life

I just spent 20 days as a patient in a trauma hospital. Patients were from all walks of life. No one complained about material deprivations in their lives, no one wished for more stuff or money, and plenty of patients were financially bereft.

I pointed out that winning the lottery wouldn’t help anyone here have less trauma. No one disagreed. Some posited that a sudden windfall would make life worse.

You see, having PTSD, I want less pain, more peace, to feel emotions and body sensations, to dwell in the present (and not in the traumatic past or hyperdangerous future).

And, so, I’m practicing noticing and naming my body’s sensations (hunger, cold, aches, tingles) and emotions (sad, cautious, anxious, capable); I’m practicing the use of my 5 senses to remind myself I am alive in the present. I tell myself loving statements, like I am brave, I am worthy of love, I am strong, I am beautiful.

I will keep practicing. I will try to know that numbness is not peace. Accepting me right now will be my peace.

At each stage of healing, I am enough.

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