Three people we are close to have set new or renewed boundaries with us in the past few weeks, including one today.
We have some self-judgments (harsh) regarding what this says about us. Therapist today, who set boundaries (for the second time in a week), says we are simply trying to get our needs met.
Therapists aren’t judging. We had inconsistent boundaries from parents. We had caregivers who sexually abused us when we were children, and an adult who sexually assaulted us when we were a teen- minor.
So having others set boundaries is scary and confusing. Very much.
All these boundary-setters say they are not mad at us.
Given our history, doesn’t it make sense we struggle with boundaries?
The marital relationship is the boundary we are best at. We are faithful because we love Spouse and understand that part of the boundary.
Some other boundaries are nuanced enough that we are crossing other people’s lines.
We are confused and want to not judge ourselves so harshly. Language has been hard. We are not talking much in therapy. We are not writing much. We are considering canceling therapy sessions.
We hear so much about the importance of *setting* healthy boundaries. What do we do when we’re the ones violating others’ boundaries?
Listen more for needs: theirs and ours.
Our life experiences make confusion. Our DID makes confusion. Hypervigilance makes confusion.
These obstacles could easily allow us to give up. Maybe we will.
And maybe we will somehow find compassion and start from where we are Now.