You’re not doing it wrong.
It takes practice.
When you find yourself in the same thoughts, circling the same carcass like a Turkey Vulture, look at the carcass—study it. What can you call that pile of roadkill?
If you’re worry is, “Will I succeed or fail?”, that sounds like “attachment to outcomes.” Outcomes are what we allow external sources to attach to our intentions, the extent to which we allow them to shape and name them: pass/fail; A, B, C, D, F; good/bad; worthy/unworthy.
You have choices here!
You have little *control* over what a professor puts on the test or how she grades a paper, how your boss evaluates your performance, whether or not your pitch wins the account. You can control only what you put into preparation, what you put into the world.
If you don’t attach to outcomes, you can be free to focus on you and how you feel about your efforts. If you are satisfied with your efforts, the outcome doesn’t matter at all because you did what you were capable or willing (not always the same thing) to do.
If you’re trying to do the minimum (not accusing you), are you more likely to attach to outcomes because you’ll have less of a margin above your minimum?
If you put in all the effort you are willing to put in, and you acknowledge and then accept that, an outcome can’t defeat you because you will can be satisfied with what you put into the world.
Think of all the energy you’ll free up by not stressing about outcomes! You won’t keep circling the same pile of rotting crap wondering what the outcome will be. You’ll be free to soar or rest or put more energy into channeling your values into the world.
Do you see? Make your choice on effort, acknowledge it, and accept the level of effort you choose. And put down worrying about how the future will be. It is a choice. All of it.
Do you see?
We love and accept you no matter your choices and the outcomes. Neither can sway our love. Can you also give yourself that same assurance?